"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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