Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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