umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
