Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
