He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
