We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you never un-have a 4some
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
