No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
