There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize