You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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