I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
