as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you never un-have a 4some
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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