Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize