Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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