will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
