if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
