i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Houston, we have a squirter
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
