I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
