her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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