That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
