so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
