dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this beer tastes like vomit already
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
