is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
