Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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