Pappa wants mamma naked
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
