I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
