you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
