Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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