I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
