My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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