Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
