bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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