I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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