You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
