I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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