It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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