You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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