I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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