I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
