shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
