Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Enjoy the penises
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
