I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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