Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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