so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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