I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
