I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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