i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
