That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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