My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
