Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
