Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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