Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
