Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
