After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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