Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
