This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
