You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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