There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
