then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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