when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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