Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
