My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
