The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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