my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We left the knife in your bed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
