Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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