you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
