The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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