You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
