Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
