Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
