I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
