Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
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When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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