Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
