i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
