so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
