Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
