found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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