I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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