girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
