I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
