I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's rum buckets o'clock
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
